"The first 5 years of my marriage were really hard. There was yelling. There was the silent treatment. There was this sinking feeling that things would never, could never get better. That’s when I first started hearing the 3 lies:
- I married the wrong person.
- He should make me feel loved.
- There is someone else better out there.
I believed those lies. They started to weave a tangled web of confusion in my heart. And I wasn’t shy about sharing my frustrations about the whole situation with my friends.
Many nodded their head in agreement with me, making me feel ever so justified. But one didn’t. She said, “I know what you think. But what does the Bible say?”
Reluctantly and with great skepticism, I turned to a couple of verses she suggested including 1 Corinthians 13. As I read the list of everything love is supposed to be, I got discouraged. My love didn’t feel kind, patient, or persevering. The love in my marriage felt broken.
I closed the Bible. It didn’t seem to do anything but make me feel worse.
Then a few days later I heard an interview on a Christian radio station where a couple was talking about these same verses. I wanted to gag and turn the station. What do they know about how hard love can be? That’s when they said a statement that grabbed me, “Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision.” Wow.
I went home and flipped to 1 Corinthians 13 again. This time instead of reading it like a list of what love should make me feel, I read it as if I could decide to make my love fit these qualities. My love will be kind. My love will be patient. My love will persevere. Not because I FEEL it — but because I CHOOSE it!” - Lysa TerKeurst
Now just think on that for a few minutes. It's crazy to think that just making a decision to love is all it takes, right? No, it's not crazy! I believe that you can overcome anything, including avoiding divorce, if you make the decision to overcome it. It does take both parties making that decision. You can't overcome marriage issues alone. Both you and your spouse have to make that decision together.
I know, some of you may say that I have no idea what I am talking about because I have a great marriage and my husband is an amazing man. You are right, I have a wonderful marriage and I know that I am extremely lucky to have found such a loving husband who is also and amazing father. I also know that is why making the decision to love and get through the rough times is what it takes. When my husband and I got married we talked about so much, as many couples do. During our talks we DECIDED that we would work through anything that came our way, even if it meant we had to sleep in separate rooms, but we would NEVER walk out on each other. That became especially true once we had our children. There is absolutely no turning back for us! Granted, we haven't encountered many rough patches and we honestly don't have disagreements much at all, but that is a decision we made as well. We decided that if we were upset then we were allowed to take time to cool down or to think it out but once we did we HAVE to sit down and talk to one another about the issue. We have stuck to that and once we do talk about it we decide on a solution together.
These days I believe people rush into things and don't sit down to really talk about things. I by not means am saying you have to date for years or anything like that. My husband and I only dated a short time before we married. Actually, we started dating March 27th and we were married on November 27th, just 8 months. I am saying that even if you only date for a month before getting married then you need to have TALKED about everything in that time. Though we only dated 8 months, we talked about it all. Did we want kids, when we wanted kids, what our goals were for the future, what we wanted differently out of this relationship as opposed to what we had in our previous relationships...the list goes on and on. We spent the first few months in a long distance relationship. We wanted it to work so we decided that we would see each other every other weekend and we would rotate who drove to see one another. That distance helped us to not only grow closer as a couple because of the conversations we had when we were together or even on the phone but it prepared us for a life together in the military. Granted, when my husband and I started dating he had just returned from a deployment and he has not deployed since then but that is due to the importance of each job he has held in the past 5 years. Those jobs have kept him at work until ALL hours and he's had to work at home at times as well. I admit, those late nights get me frustrated and upset at times but I decided not to take it out on my husband anymore. It's not his fault, he has an important job and he HAS to get that stuff done.
Do you see a reoccurring theme here? I'm guessing you are saying that everything is a decision or at least I hope that's what you are saying. Whether it's marriage, kids, family member or work that you are dealing with negative feelings towards all you have to do to turn that around is to make a decision to do so. Don't get me wrong, I do not believe that falling in love is a decision necessarily. Your heart guides you in that. I do believe that staying in love after hitting some rough patches is a decision though. If you want to talk yourself out of anything then you can and that's really easy to do. What's not easy is sticking it out and deciding to do what it takes to have the marriage you always wanted. There is not a SINGLE marriage that is perfect....not even mine. I can say that my husband and I decided to make this marriage the best it can ever be and we decide to do what it takes each and every day to make that true.
If you are struggling in your marriage, heck in your life even, then it's time for some reflection. It's time to make a decision. Once you make that decision then you will be able to guide yourself where you need to go. If you just need someone to chat with or have an outside perspective then I am always here for my friends and family....that includes you!
I hope each one of you has an amazing day...that's a decision you make as well! Always look for the positive in every situation. It may not seem like it but there is always a positive aspect. :)
I'll leave you with an AWESOME Oprah quote...
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